There is Always a Way

The other day I came home from work only to find the house empty and the cupboards bare. The wife and kids were out gallivanting around somewhere and I was hungry. There was nothing to eat. There was nothing on the stove or in the crock pot. There wasn’t even any bread to make a sandwich with. There was nothing interesting in the fridge either except for a few science projects gone bad and some corn tortillas.

It’s a good thing I’m a creative kind of guy otherwise I might starve. I grabbed the corn tortillas and I found some peanut butter and grape jelly. I heated up the griddle and spread a generous amount of butter on it. Then I warmed up a few tortillas on the hot buttery grill. Once the tortillas were thoroughly warmed and buttery I smeared each one with peanut butter and jelly then rolled them up and ate them. I’ll tell you what they were really good. Even Ben my kindergarten boy loves them and he won’t eat hardly anything.

This reminds me of one of my very earliest concoctions, a sandwich which I just loved. It started with two frozen chopped steak patties which I cooked in my mom’s old cast iron skillet along with an egg. I placed the patties on a slice of bread spread with peanut butter and strawberry freezer jam along with the over easy egg and then I placed a slice of American cheese in there somewhere and added a graham cracker for crunch, sliced up a banana onto it and then covered with the other slice of bread which was also covered with peanut butter and jam. I would then smash it down so I could bite it being careful not to pop the over easy egg and then took a big bite. Man was it good, and messy. By the time I was through eating it I would usually have egg yolk, hamburger grease, peanut butter and jam all over my face and shirt.

Experimentation is the key to advancing ones culinary repertoire, which is the philosophy that I endorse as long as it doesn’t involve anything to frilly or nasty like fish eggs on crackers or fondue. For example: I was really hungry on one other occasion and I had in my possession a cinnamon pull apart which was purchased down at our local supermarket in Portland, where I grew up, and nothing else except a jar of marinated jalapeño peppers. I warmed up the cinnamon pull apart and began eating them along with the jalapeño peppers. Guess what? Delicious. The marinated jalapenos along with the super sugary and cinnamony pull apart were a great taste sensation. The only problem was I had to stop every couple of minutes and drink a gallon of milk.

My friend Dallas, who is affectionately known to us guys at work as the White Trash Gourmet, and I were brain storming one day at work when we decided to try a deep fried biscuit dog. We took several of the long beef sausage type hot dogs and a canister of crescent rolls. You know, the crescent rolls that come in a canister? The canisters that, if they do not burst open in your grocery bag on the trip home, may never open at all. Well we rolled out two crescent rolls flat on the counter and placed the hot dog on top and rolled it up sealing the ends of the dough by pinching it all along the side. Then we dropped them into the deep fryer over in the deli and about 3 minutes later they were golden brown and ready to go. Those were the best hot dogs we had ever had. Both of us were ready to quit our jobs cutting meat and hit the summer county fair circuit and make a fortune. Unfortunately for our plans, it was in the middle of winter and the first county fair was a ways off. By the time fair season rolled around we had eaten so many of those greasy sausage dog wonders that neither one of us felt much like following through on our plans. But they are good. Just don’t make them an every day staple item.

So anyhow, when all else fails use your imagination and if that doesn’t work keep a few bucks hidden in your pocket book and get yourself a burger.